I’m gonna get through this. Each day I get a little bit stronger, and the pain seems to find a place to go that doesn’t hurt as bad as the last time. If we were meant to be, the things that went down while we were together wouldn’t have happened. If we were truly happy and loved each other as much as we said we did, I wouldn’t be okay with wanting to be okay about this. You have been a part of me and a part of my life, and no matter where we go, or who we end up with, nothing can ever change that. Maybe you need this time to go out into the world, maybe I do, and we’ll end up finding each other again, stronger, and happier, and sure that it’s lasting between us. Or maybe we’ll end up finding a truer and purer love, and we’ll be able to share and cherish each other’s happiness one day. Right now, all I know is, I CAN and I WILL get through this.
I can’t stay bitter. The bitterness would only mean I’m preventing myself from letting go, of freeing myself of you and of this toxic way of beating myself up. No one is perfect. I will admit that if there is heavier blame to be pointed out, it would be on my part with some of my very terrible decisions I made. Yet, it goes hand in hand with both of us working together as a couple to make a difference in the relationship. I think we were both very stubborn in our ways. I need to work on being able to understand true flexibility and really knowing when enough is enough. You need to learn when to step it up and put in a little extra effort, or when to cut back on certain things.
You’re with Chad now. It’s official, as of 06/09/2012 apparently. You know, the last time I thought a couple wouldnt work out, they did. Mitch and Tony. A couple I never thought could make it.
I can’t even write straight anymore. None of this is coming out the way I want it to. The more I write, the more shit keeps popping up. It’s all just too much. I’m really overwhelmed. I really want to sort it all out, but I’m not sure where to begin. It’s like if I were to focus on one area, the other areas would fall to an extreme, or if I don’t take everything into consideration the right way, my conclusion might come out wrong, I might mis-diagnose myself. I have