I wanted to take a moment while I had some clarity and talk you a little about myself. Right now Im 25 years old, and over the last 7 years, I’ve often struggled with identity, confidence, self-image, and pin-pointing who I am and what it is I want out of life, and what to do with mine.
I have an undying love for electronic music, for the melodies and rhythms that send shivers down my spine and out to my fingertips. I thrive when I have something to do that makes me useful, something to create, or something that I’m good at that can benefit others. I love attention from others, but in small doses. Large groups and crowds are okay for a little while, but I’d rather be beside someone I am close with, so that we can take a break from time to time to have private conversation, as this helps me ‘re-charge’. In smaller, more intimate groups, you’ll see a light in my eyes that grows as the conversation flows. I’m extremely protective of the few people that I call family and friends, and I would give the shirt off my back if they asked for it. I really hate clutter and unnecessary material things. When I was younger, I used to collect every birthday card, letter and post card, and kept them in a small filing cabinet in my room. The collection became quite large, and other things in my life collected in a similar way. As I’ve grown up, I see how ridiculous it is to let your collection of ‘stuff’ grow for the sake of growing, and not for serving a useful purpose. I am passionate about making things more efficient, and invest my time and money into things that can consolidate processes, expedite my routines, and improve my day-to-day life. My achilles heal is electronics, and I love the latest greatest gadgets. I can tell you all about my back and forth battle on whether to go Android or iOS, and how I ultimately concluded that iOS and the Mac platform was the way to go for me. App-controlled lights, music players, and even thermostats excite me. As far as education goes, I’m sure we’ll talk about that in a decent amount of detail quickly upon meeting, as education is a n important, but sensitive subject for me. Growing up, it was embedded from very early on how critical it is to obtain higher education, and although I’m 25 with no degree, I still have my sight set on a bachelors at the minimum. The main problem right now is that I’ve been developing who I am so much, and trying to find where my place is in the world that I haven’t decided where to even begin major-wise. I’ve had dreams of becoming a marine biologist, a nurse, an electronic music artist (like ATB or Paul Van Dyk), and even had thoughts of doing something much more traditional like a business or finance degree and work the corporate ladder. What’s tough is that deciphering what my dreams are, what’s realistic, and what my true strengths are can be difficult to understand.
I love my hometown in St. Petersburg. My family, and an incredible circle of close, loving friends are here. I love the weather, the quiet nights, busy weekend nights downtown, and the laid back beach life. I’m outdoorsy, and enjoy getting away for a camping weekend, whether we go primitive in a tent, or even if it’s ‘cheating’ in a cabin with AC and HDTV. I’m very overly critical of my physical appearance, and shame myself constantly about not doing things like running on a regular basis or working out, but I am working on changing that. I am working on changing the fact that I shame myself, AND I’m working on developing better personal habits. I will tell you that I’ve done a lot of drinking since I turned 21. I’ve learned that going out, clubbing, and bar-hopping is of course and absolute blast, and it’s so easy to get carried away. It’s also easy to make huge mistakes, spend too much money, ruin friendships, relationships, and even lives because of it. Luckily, I’ve made it this far without ruining anyone’s life, but I’ve certainly had my share of the rest. I got a DUI in 2013, and the money spent on it, and the process you are put through has been an incredibly eye-opening and life-changing experience. It’s helped me see what it means to truly drink responsibly, and forced me to constantly self-check and make sure I don’t overdo it when I know I’m responsible for driving.
I will tell you that in relationships, I can be kind of needy at times. This is something I’ve been trying to fix for a while, but what can I say? I’ve never been an overly-confident individual, but this is something that I’m doing what I can to change. I like to be reassured, and hearing from my man makes me smile. I like to hear from you when you wake up, when something good happens, when bad things happen, and before you go to sleep. If you’re my partner, then of course I’ll already be next to you when you wake up and go to sleep. Hopefully I’ll be in your arms at some point during the night. I love to cuddle. Physical signs of affection send goosebumps across my skin. Holding me tight in the night is perfectly fine. Unless it’s the middle of July and we’re trying to conserve electricity. In that case, get the fuck off me because sweaty hot skin on sweaty hot skin isn’t pleasant when I’m trying to get me shut eye. Speaking of shut-eye, I love my sleep. On off days, you can expect me to get in a solid 10 hours, sometimes more. I also love naps, and cuddle-naps are even better. Now I know I sound super needy, like I want to spend every moment with you, and that can sound a bit intimidating. But please know that I don’t expect every moment to revolve around me and us being together. I want us to be partners, and partner our lives together- not throw away our individual lives and merge into one singular unit. I will want to spend a lot of time with you, whether that be in person, or keeping communication open and active about what we’re up to, but I also understand that your life doesnt revolve around me, and you need space and time, and your own friends. When I get overbearing, please tell me- just be gentle about it is all I ask. I promise I won’t get mad. Speaking of getting mad, I want you to know that I expect a particular line in your wedding vows…. please vow to never let us go to bed angry with one another. I think it’s a critical rule to follow. At the end of the day, if we’re both alive, with a roof over our heads, a bed to sleep in, and one another to keep each other company, we have plenty of reason to be thankful and happy. The smaller things in life simply aren’t worth it, and whatever it is that happened can be talked about another time.