Always Playing Catch Up

I feel like the last 6 months I’ve been doing nothing but playing the catch up game, financially. Up until the summer doldrums happened this past year, things seemed pretty… normal. Going out, able to have a glass of wine or two or 4 after work, eating out, grabbing coffee with coworkers… and then Summer hit. Next thing you know I’m job hunting, the SquareMouth fiasco happened, Cider Press’s laughable tenure, and then my big break with Verizon.

But I’m STILL catching my breath.

I know I’ve made some pretty big mistakes financially. I’ve continuously made them- New York, Disney, back to back spending all at once… the rent up there… ugh… it makes me cringe knowing how much money I went through in such a short amount of time.

But it’s in the past, and what’s done is done. I can’t go back and undo it. Nor would I want to at this point. I met some pretty awesome people while up there, had a blast, and got to live pretty darn comfortably while there. My dreams of commuting on a train, dressing in fall clothes, working in fashion, going on blind dates in the city, in Central Park, random little hole in the wall restaurants- I did all of that…

So now I’m here. And I’ve been riding on the coattails of a small hiatus from reality. After getting my life together and picking up where I left off at Canopy, it was time to move on. While still trying to make ends meet, I signed up for that stupid online loan. I’m kissing $250 away every two weeks.

**–That’s where my tax refund needs to go- pay off that high interest loan…


I hope I can get that refund sooner than later. That’s over $500/month, and it’s primarily paying the astronomical interest.

In the meantime, I have a car transmission to pay for, an electric bill that needs to be brought back on track, and a new bed to buy.

I feel like I’m taking all the right steps. I’ve reduced a lot of my expenses. I don’t go out very often. When I do, it’s with Cassidy, who very graciously has been taking care of a lot of our fun expenses. I’m eating cleaner, healthier, and primarily for free. Mom has helped provide now multiple bags of quinoa- which, makes you fuller, is better for you, and lasts a long time. I definitely have more areas of opportunity to reduce my expenses. I’m paying nearly $80/month in entertainment subscription services- my iCloud storage, apple music, apps, netflix, hulu, and there’s a few more that are going to be added on, making it nearly $80/month… then there’s the LA Fitness membership I haven’t used in 4 months.


I mean, that’s still less than $150 in ‘extraneous costs’. I HAVE been working out with Cassidy lately, and we’re hoping that’s going to turn into not just gym sessions at her condo and become a regular deal at LA. And me and the who family do use my subscriptions, so it’s not like I’m paying it for nothing.

Again, I feel like I’m doing the right things. I’m putting in the right efforts at work, doing what I can do stay noticed in a positive light, hoping for another break similar to the kind I got at BofA, I’m investing in my 401K, and I have direct deposit set up to hit the right accounts when all this catching up shit dies down…


I need to change my tune. I AM doing the right things. I AM growing. I HAVE learned, and I AM learning. More and more, each and every day- how to be a better person, how to make the right choices. And by right, I mean right by me. Decisions that affect me, and how I feel they affect others, in a more positive way. I feel different than I did a year ago. I feel stronger, I feel wiser, I feel more patient, and I feel like I’m doing a little bit of rebuilding still. I have a ways to go. I have a lot of wrong turns, a lot of debts, and a lot of making up to do. But not in a way that keeps me living in the past. Instead, I’m approaching these opportunities to reshape myself as a way to actively participate in my own life. I want to know that the decisions I make each and every second of each and every day are only setting myself up to reach a point where I don’t have to put so much thought into those decisions. I want my life to flow a little more naturally, and I know I’m getting there. It’s a new path, one that takes some getting used to.


I can do this. I can reach my goals. I will reach my goals.



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